and I am afraid I might be MIA a little longer...
as some of you know my Mother In Law passed away on January 6th
and my family is still trying to get over this
She was my Mother In Law for over 13 years but my other Mama for almost 20.
She was Bub's Nana and he LOVED her to the moon and back!!!
my mother in law and I never really had that lovey dovey relationship
but we did share one common thing
we LOVE the same men...
my hubs and Bubs or her only son and grand baby
don't get me wrong I loved her too and she loved me and we did share several great memories together
and she helped me become a MOM (that's another story)
but her final night I had a new found admiration for my MIL
she was the bravest woman I had ever met
Susie was taken to the hospital by ambulance on Wednesday
and was put on a breathing machine to sustain her tiny body
she was in and out of consciousness and
was writing notes to her loved ones when she was not under sedation for pain or stress
Thursday morning we got a phone call from her lung dr
(Susie had COPD from a life long smoking habit and had
had several previous hospital visits... each one a little longer than the last... 2 years ago she was in a coma for a few months and was put on life support and she swore she would never do that again)
the dr informed hubs that his mom wanted to be taken off the breathing machine
and had a DNR which she has had for months maybe years
and that all family should come in to say their goodbyes
because her lungs could no longer support her
some drove through the night and others caught the first plane they could
through the next few days
Susie was able to see most of her loved ones
it was bitter sweet... the amount of love that poured in and out of that ICU room was amazing
she was blanketed in it...
all of her sisters were there... and her brother and children and even ex-step children
best friends, high school friends, and long time friends
it was amazing
she made sure to greet all that came to visit with a little grin and if you were lucky you got a note...
don't get me wrong...
she was conscious but not like sitting up in bed, having conversations, and writing notes
when she was awake
she was soooo weak
she had to have someone hold a clipboard for her and she would hold the pen and usually with her eyes closed or half open she would write while laying in bed and tubes coming from every which direction
her writing was sometimes beautiful (like always) and other times when she was in such discomfort and relieved with pain meds it was not so understandable....
some got to do lists like change your tires
some got fond memories remembered
and some got words of encouragement
I got a half note because she fell asleep while writing it
BUT before that she mouthed the words
I LOVE YOU
and although she had a mouth full of tubes
I could clearly see that she also mouthed
THANK YOU
I promised her I would take care of her boys and that I loved her too
and with her eyes closed and her strength diminishing
she smiled at me
when the time was getting close to remove the machines...
she was getting weaker and the notes were getting few and far between
but she did make sure
she wrote a note to reassure all of us...
and reminded us she was going to be with Jesus
and for us to be strong and happy
how amazing is that...
she knew what was going to happen
and in her final moments she was comforting us
she was taken off life support at 10pm on the 5th
a peace came over her and her body was relaxed
we too were unimaginably peaceful at this time
Susie passed VERY peacefully in the early morning at 1am of the 6th
she was surrounded by family and friends.
it is hard to imagine that someone that was writing you notes hours before
passed away so quickly
but it just goes to show you how strong and brave she was
and that Heaven was ready for a new member
I truly believe that she made the decision she did because she didn't want
my hubs to have to make it later
the last weeks have honestly been a whirlwind of days blurring together
bubs knows his Nana is in Heaven and he is now in charge of her dog...
(that was on a note :) lol)
hubs is doing pretty good under the circumstances and I couldn't be more proud of how he has handled all of the funeral planning, estate settling, and will probating. He has been an amazing rock through all of this even though I know he is hurting tremendously inside.
I am doing OK too... I keep thinking about how she mouthed those words to me and I hang on to that...
my grandmother once told me while I was crying
at my grandfather's funeral to not be selfish
he was in a better place
and I didn't really get it
i kinda got mad at her...
ok I did get mad at her
my grandma is always full of BLUNT but meaningful advice
BUT those words ran through my head
over and over again and still do...
I am sad but my sadness is for me... I am sad for MY husband, I am sad for MY son, I am sad for reasons that are close to me...
that is selfish
when I think of my grandma's advice
I am reminded...
I should be happy
which I am
I am happy that Susie is in heaven
she can breathe again and I am happy that she no longer has to suffer to catch a breath
and she no longer has to fear her next breathing attack or her next hospital visit or her next hospital bill
I am happy she no longer needs to sleep with oxygen tubes in her nose or be worried about making it into work on humid days when breathing was hardest...
I am so happy she is no longer in pain... so so happy
thanks for letting me share with you
and thanks for those that have prayed for our family
we appreciate each and every one of them and you
and please
if you smoke
look around at your blessings and stop...
your family will thank you for it
I can't just leave you like that... I need to share this too...
I also hang on to great memories... like the first time I met her
she had her baton
and was twirling in the backyard
hubs and I were just friends and were in high school
I asked what kind of baton it was and she told me a flaming baton
she lit it
and began twirling it...
it was amazing
she would toss it and catch it
and with each twirl, swirl, and catch I was further impressed with her talent
her grand finale was a high toss that landed on the
ROOF of the house
YES A FLAMING BATON
ON THE ROOF
she and I were both in shock and were screaming for the boys...
hubs and his dad rushed outside
and grabbed hoses to extinguish the grand finale
that is how I met her and this is how I will remember her...
a lot of spunk, and little dare devil, and VERY BRAVE!!!
toodles